To Love or Be Loved ~ Finis

And the final conclusion to the freeverse novella, To Love or Be Loved.

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 1

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 2

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 3

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 4

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 5

Marjorie J. Riley

Finders, Keepers

Will and Helen come today, to see where I

have been. I am touched that Will noticed. I

look into his brown eyes, but my mind is on

blue. John tiptoes          down the stairs,

peering at my                 guests. “Will, Helen,

I’d like you to                meet John.” Helen

looks horrified and stares like the moon.

Will’s eyes flash envied brown. “You won’t

keep him.” “Oh yes, I will.” Precious blue.

Something Old and Something New

Ann brought in a bundle of little boy clothes.

ears filled her eyes as her arms clutched her

son’s old things.          “If you plan on keeping

him, Miss, he’ll           need something new to 

wear.” Do I plan        on keeping him? I told

Will I would, but         was I serious? I look at

John, splashing in the tub, smiling from tiny

ear to tiny ear. “Thank you, Ann.  Johnny will

need them.” Johnny? I called him such a

tender name. How could I give him away?

  

Hide and Seek

“Marjee? Find me!” I look behind an

armchair. John giggles when I find him.

“Marjee? Find me!” I see a lump in the

Persian rug. He squeals when I hug him.

“Marjee? Find me!” I find him lying on the

stairs. He shouts when I tickle him.

I realize that something has happened. Inside

me, there is no hole. “Johnny? You found

me!” His eyes blink blue and  his lips smile,

almost if he knew what he did to my heart.

To Love and Be Loved

I don’t know why I decided to keep John. I

just did. I don’t know why I love him. I just

do. John has changed me. I know how to feel

loved and I know how to love. Maybe this is

the love Father always talked about. Love fills

the hole in your heart. Johnny has filled the

hole in my heart. Oh, how sweet to love and

be loved.

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 5

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 5

Janelle Spiers

We are drawing to a close in the story of Marjorie J. Riley and Evelyn O'Hara.  Check back with these links to previous installments to continue to relive this Roaring Twenties Story.

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 1

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 2

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 3

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 4

Marjorie J. Riley

Charity is a Curse

What am I supposed to do with a tiny child? 

What can I do that his family couldn’t? The

child moans softly in my arms as I sit in my

parlor.  His warm little body feels strange in

my arms.                                 I don’t know if 

I like it,                                    his holding on,

wet tears                                 on my dress. He

is quiet                                    now, in the

stillness                                   of my house.

His breathing deepens, and I feel sure that he

has cried himself to sleep. What do I do with a

tiny sleeping boy? “Make a bed, Ann.  He’s  

asleep.” I say, but mother wouldn’t approve.

Evelyn O’Hara

Void

I stagger through the darkness

back to the alleyway where I came from.

I feel cold, hurt, and sick. My body shakes.

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

I lie down on my blanket and try

to feel warm, but I don’t have my warmth.

I left behind the only thing to warm my heart.

Marjorie J. Riley

What Have I Done?

What have I done to deserve this child? His

eyes are round and large and they watch me

silently as I watch him. He is so young and

small. Ann                               feeds him often, 

trying to                                   fatten him up.

Ann knows                               what children

are like. She                             had two, before

the war, but now they are gone. If I didn’t

have Ann, I never could keep this child. Keep

this child? I can’t keep him. I... I can’t....

Evelyn O’Hara

Creeping

I cannot get up, my body is too weak.

I will lose my job at the factory, but it does

not matter.  Nothing does, now. He is gone.

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

John is gone, just like Phillip. John is happy, just like 

Phillip. They are both in a better place. I will see my 

husband soon, in a better place.

Marjorie J. Riley

What He Wanted

“Iss mamma wif de angels, now?”

His timid voice, the first words he had spoken,

they broke my heart. Is mamma with the

angels, now?                           “I don’t know.”

I have to say.                          His face is

grave. “My                             mamma see

God?” The child thinks his mother will die.

The poor boy. He wriggles closer to my side. 

I know now, relieved, Father would approve.

Evelyn O’Hara

Shadows

I shiver and shake. I moan and cough. Night is 

growing darker, the chill is growing colder.

I think of my John, warm in a light house.

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

I pray to God to hide my boy from pain.

I pray to God to love my boy forever.

I pray to God to help me fight the shadows.

Marjorie J. Riley

Sweet Dreams

I pull Mother’s quilt over the little boy.

His eyes look sleepy but he holds my hand.

I smooth back his brown hair and kiss his

head. “Don’t go,”                    he says softly.

“It’s time for                           sleep.” His eyes

blink slowly.                           I dare to ask a 

question, heavy on my mind, “What’s your

name?” He sighs deep and holds tighter to me. 

“John.” Namesake of my father, given to me.

  

Evelyn O’Hara

Death

So much pain racks my body, but nothing like my 

Savior suffered. I see His face as I lie in the cold, lie 

in the dark, lie in the alleyway.

            Cough...

            Cough....

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 4

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 4

Janelle Spiers

In case you are a new reader or you have forgotten what has transpired, I have the links to previous installments for you...

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 1

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 2

To Love or Be Loved ~ Part 3


Evelyn O’Hara

Kindness

An angel came to me today as I blew home 
with the wind.  A car stopped and a smooth hand 
beckoned me towards the shiny black.

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

The dust made me cough as dark hair shook, 

green eyes flashed and red lips spoke.  

A shiny coin in my hand; from an angel.

Marjorie J. Riley

The Library

I don’t know how many poor folks live near

the library.  I only wanted a book, not dirty

sickly peasants.  I helped the crippled boy,

the apple seller, and the sick woman.  Her

gray eyes                                 haunt me, like

the cough                                 that racked her

skinny body.                           Her dirty hair

needed washing, but she looked so different

than all the other poor folks.  Her face was full

of thankfulness and hope.  What does she give 

thanks for?  How does she have hope?

Evelyn O’Hara

Fear

What will happen to my darling John

when I cannot care for him?  Will there

be a place where he can go, when I am gone?

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

It will not be long.  I must find a place.

Where can a beautiful angel go in this dark

world?  Will anyone else love him like I do?

Desperation

Bang! Bang! Bang!  Loud knocking on the door 
wakes me.  An early morning, still dark outside.  
John wiggles beside me as I get up.

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

A large pink paper on my door.  “Wha’ is it?”

John asks as I read the words, ‘Eviction.’ 

I look into John’s blue eyes.  We have two days.

Marjorie J. Riley

Add Insult to Injury

I have been trying to ignore it, but I can’t 

any longer.  Will won’t ever love me, he’s in love

with Helen Briant.  It is clearly obvious.  He

dotes on her                            and listens to

her incessant                           chattering. I

can’t stand                              either of them.

And to make matters worse, he won’t come to

my parties without her.  I might never invite

him again, but if I didn’t, how would I ever

see him...

Father Wouldn’t Approve

Dorothea Jennings said that I was a flapper. I

told her that I wasn’t, because Father wouldn’t approve.  

Of course, I do wear makeup and play 

cards,                           but I don’t paint my

knees.                          I do wear shorter skirts

but,                              not my hair. I do drive a

car, but I don’t smoke…much.  There are just

things that I could never do, because Father

wouldn’t approve. I want him to be proud or me.

Evelyn O’Hara

Glimpse

I caught sight of my angel today.

Her dark car drove down my street.

I think she goes to the library once a week.

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

It is getting worse, this cough.

Living in the dirty alley does not help.

John never complains, but I know he is cold.

Pursuit

I followed the angel to her house.

The black tire wings carried her home

and now I have a place mapped in my mind.

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

I am not sure how long this can go on.

But now I have followed her and I know where to take 

my John when God’s angels call me home.

Marjorie J. Riley

Mother Wouldn’t Approve

A dirty child asked me for money today.  I put a

small, round coin into his soft, rough hand.  It hurt

to see the tears in his eyes. I felt them in mine. 

Why can’t                                           I just give

away money                                       and not care who it 

goes                                                    to?  Charity

is ridiculous.                                        It demands

much more                                          than merely

giving away money.  It wants your heart, too. I

blink back tears as Jerry drives on. Mother

wouldn’t approve. But I never cared.

Evelyn O’Hara

Time

“Get up, Johnny. It’s time.”

“Time for what, Mamma?” He asks.

“It’s time to be warm and happy.”

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

I hack up blood as I carry my son

through the dark streets of Boston.

As I carry my son to precious freedom.

Marjorie J. Riley

All Is Calm

I read the black words on the white page.  My

father and I read, never my mother and I.  She

wanted to sew.                        I wanted to dance.

She wanted to                         have tea.  I wanted

to read.  Any                           thing contrary to

what Mother                           wanted. I was

myself.  I set down my book and move to the

window.  It is dark and quiet.  Everything is still.

  

Evelyn O’Hara

Pain

I move quickly through the shadowed streets.

There! The lighted windows, the warm house.

That is where my Johnny will learn and grow.

            Cough,

            Cough,

            Cough,

I cough as I set John on the steps. I cough as I tell 

him, stay, don’t move. I cough as I hug him.

I ring the bell and run away from my crying boy.

Marjorie J. Riley

An Ocean of Blue

The bell rings and I hear Ann go to the door.

“Good Lord, Miss Riley, come quick!”  I hear

her scream. I hear another sound.  A child’s cry.

At the door,                            I find a child. Big

blue eyes                                  filled with big fat

tears. He                                  screams for his

“mamma,”                               but there is no one in

the dark outside. I stoop and look at the little boy. 

He is tiny, skinny, but at least three-years-old. A

tiny, obedient urchin, abandoned to drown in an
ocean of blue. I take him in my arms, as he cries.